Sunrise Solitude

I'm Taking a Break

I am halfway through my vacation and am finally feeling up to writing.  It's been really nice so far.  Lots of sleep, snuggling, swimming, cooking, puzzling, reading.  Lots of just staring at the horizon and wondering how in the hell I got to 39 years of age so quickly.  And plenty of wondering if I've done enough to show for that number. 

Significantly, I am taking a break from the other 11 months.  I am taking a break from:

* my alarm clock

* constant fatigue

* ungrateful patients who make me work for free until 11 AM (which is when I actually start getting paid for what I do)

* difficult airways and back-to-back epidural placements

* surgeons with endless add-ons

* nurses who think room air contains adequate oxygen for desaturating patients or announce loudly that if they were "anesthesia" they'd throw their bodies in front of the OR door rather than let a particular complicated patient be brought to the operating room or think they know better than the rest of us how to handle acute crises.

* 2 AM pages I get because someone else forgot to put the right orders for a patient.

* the feeling I get in my own neighborhood that I, or rather we, live there but don't quite belong. 

* the constant anxiety I feel that I'm not doing enough, in both quantity and quality, at work and at home.

All those moments are in the past and exactly 305 miles away.  Now I am in a time and space of healing and rest.  I'm eating food from the sea and local gardens.  I'll listen to waves crash, sea grass rustle and the constant chatter of my children.  Now I'll inhale the scent of the ocean, salty and fishy and soothing, and just be.

The Elevator Fart

Is there anything funnier than hearing a stranger fart in public?

It can happen in a bank lineup, hotel lobby, or airplane.  It can happen in a restaurant, movie theater, or local bar.  But the funniest of all has got to be the Elevator Fart.  And it happened this morning at the hospital on my way up to the OR.  The Elevator Fart is the king of public farts, for two main reasons:

1. Acoustics.  It’s almost always dead silent in an elevator.  People usually keep quiet, stare firmly at the front door, and wait for their floor.  Any whisper or laugh echoes around the box with full force, reverberating loudly for all to hear.  So a giant, rippling fart trumpeted out by a bald businessman in a suit holding a briefcase in front of him?  That’s like a 21 gun salute.

2. Time.  If you’re climbing a high rise, you’re spending a minute or two with these people.  It’s you and them, locked together.  Hearing a stranger fart on the sidewalk is one thing.   Hearing a stranger fart in a tiny, enclosed room is another.  Nobody can escape the full experience, from the big bang to the first whiff to total elevator saturation.

Hearing a stranger fart in public is great partly because of everybody’s reactions.  There are really four main types of fart reactions you see:

■Concealed Laughers.  These folks purse their lips tightly, pop open their eyes, and try not to laugh.  If they’re with friends then the sight of their friend also trying to hold in their laugh can be too much, and they suddenly explode into a full-blown snort and roar attack. 

■The Business Class.  Folks in suits often try to pretend that nothing happened.  “Nope, everything’s just chipper here, I don’t smell anything at all.”  The only reaction you might see would be a very subtle step away from the culprit and a few extra looks at their watch.

■Deep-Sea Divers.  These folks try to hold their breath as long as possible.  They hear the fart and it’s, “Come on lungs, don’t fail me now.”  They’re the ones with the chipmunk cheeks who eventually pop and gasp desperately for air when the door opens.

■Innocent Children.  Little kids are always the funniest . I once heard a child in an elevator say, “Mommy, that man just farted!" with a full-on finger point right into the well-dressed ass in front of his face.  But hey, I guess if you’re going to fart in a kid’s face, you deserve to be called out.

Yes, hearing a stranger fart in public can be a tiny, hilarious moment in the middle of any day . If you’re the farter, I say be loud and be proud!  We’ve all been there, so no need to be embarassed.  If you’re in the audience, I say enjoy the hilarious social faux-pas and resulting reaction in the room.

So... thank you, unknown businessman, for adding a great bit of comic relief to the beginning of my day.  And thanks to the elevator full of people whose reactions I got to savor. 

Oh, and thanks to my mom and sisters who, along with me, appreciate the inherent funniness of public farts.

I *HEART* Mirena

The thing about the uterus is that it's a very demanding organ.  When’s the last time you thought about your jejunum? That damned thing is eight feet long, but most people have never even heard of it. Or how about your parathyroid glands? You’d be so up a brown creek if something happened to those, you know.  But, the uterus... it craves acknowledgement and respect.  It needs to have you thinking about it all the time.  From age 12 until finally, mercifully, it rests in dormancy.  A mere 40 years later.

Now, it was a lot easier before babies.  We all just went on the pill for, like, decades.  Had short, light "regular Tampax" periods.  Went off, had a baby, then went back on the pill.  Repeated the process until our families were complete.  Then we sent our husbands to the urologist for a little snip, snip and we thought our troubles are over.  But they certainly were not.

Because then the uterus' monthly tantrums start.  Worse than they ever were before.  The curse of women who have had babies and are now in their late 30s and 40s.  The heavy, gastly things that ruin clothes and bedsheets and make you think of nothing but having a hysterectomy for 5 straight days every month.  A "Super Plus" Tampax plus a maxi-pad, extra long, with wings might allow you to get through the night.  As long as you stayed in one position and then rushed to the bathroom the next morning while somehow keeping your thighs clamped together.

After so many years of suffering under her rule, and taking all she had to offer (thanks for the three kidlets!), I started to daydream about sinister ways to shut the bitch up. 

Simply, there are four choices.  And they follow, with my thoughts on each:

1.  Hormonal birth control:  Pills, shots, implantables, patches, vaginal rings.  Been there, done that.  I'm getting too old and I need to worry about estrogen and strokes and heart attacks.

2.  Hysterectomy:  Big deal of an operation.  Could lead to chronic pain states.  Plus, insurance won't pay and I don't have time for it.

3.  Uterine ablation:  Good option.  My only hesitation is the potential inability to detect uterine cancer due to uterine scar "trapping" the tell-tale bleeding.

4.  Mirena IUD:  What I chose.  (official website)


And I LOVE it!  I mean, I am singing from the hilltops.  Best thing since being pregnant!

You have it inserted in the office, which is really not a big deal.  Then it begins emitting a tiny bit of progesterone (no estrogen!) into the uterus.  None gets into your blood stream so you have absolutely no systemic effects from the hormone.  You still ovulate, your endogenous hormones still cycle normally and monthly.  But because the progesterone causes your uterine lining to thin, you barely bleed.  And after 3-6 months, most women stop completely. 

Yes, it's a miracle. And it lasts for five years.  (Then you can have another one placed.) 

It is fairly expensive up front, and, unfortunately, rarely covered by insurance.  (Unless you're on the dole.  Then it's free.)  But I can guarantee that I will pay for mine in a year with savings gained from skipping the "Feminine Hygeine" aisle.

Anesthesia v. Orthopedics

Some genius, somewhere, made this video and put it on YouTube recently.  I first watched it last week, with a bunch of anesthesiologists.  By the end, were all howling!  Wiping tears, rolling on the floor.  It was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life.  Throughout the day, I showed it to more colleagues, orthopedic surgeons, OR nurses.  Everyone, I mean everyone who watched it needed a few minutes to re-compose afterwards.  HIGH-larious to the nth degree. 

So I got home that day and raced into Andrew's study to show him.  He watched and just blinked blankly at the screen.  Looked at me, looked back at the screen, and said "Cool, now let me show you what I've decided to invest our HSA money in this year."

Some things are truly inside jokes.

Whew...

Well it is FINALLY, mercifully, over.  I hope.  (I'll find out in 4-6 weeks.)

The six week cram for my anesthesiology re-certification exam has come to an end.  Which wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that I worked 28 of the last 28 days.  And 8 of the past 28 nights.  90-110 hours per week of doing anesthesia, in addition to the cramming.  And then, as always, trying mightily to give my children and husband the vague impression that they are my true priority. 

I had to put books for pleasure down.  I didn't read a single page.  Didn't watch a stitch of TV or a single movie.  Didn't cook or bake at all.  My herb pots are wilting and the garden is weedy.  No exercise beyond walking to work.  No fun days at the pool.  It's been a summer....

But this is what did happen, mostly in my absence:

*Jack went to basketball camp at Roanoke College and loved it.  9 hours a day.  He built up a whole lot of confidence and is really looking forward to rec ball this year.

*Alice went to Patrick Henry High School's annual soccer camp.  She was not a big fan.  It was huge and the kids were mostly older.  Apparently, there was a coach with one arm and that scared her.  And she was afraid of the high school bathrooms.  I told her that I am, too.

*Both girls went to an art camp for a week.  It was run out of the home of a lovely young couple, both of whom are art teachers in the public school system.  The girls absolutely loved it.  And the coolest thing was that they came home with genuine treasures at the end of the week (that will not end up well hidden in the bottom of the garbage can late at night.) 

*The kidlets all attended vacation bible school.  Which was a good thing because at the rate we've been making it to church, they were in dire need of some spiritual enhancement.

*We finally biked the Virginia Creeper Trail.  Loved it and can't wait to do it again.

*Some friends, whom we met a year and a half ago in Europe, came for a visit.  And it was like not a day had passed.  Guess that's why we liked them so much when we met them.

*I found out that iPhones don't travel well on tops of cars.  And I found out the importance of backing the daggone thing up every now and then and what a pain in the ass it is if you haven't.

*I have not seen my baby nieces in far too long.  They are sitting up and babbling and wouldn't know me from the man in the moon now, which just kills me.  But I will be seeing them soon, thank goodness.

*My dad's stage 4 melanoma is wreaking havoc on him psychologically.  And my mother is suffering tremendously as a result.  And there is not a damned thing I can do to help either of them.

*Swim season.  Now this has definitely been a source of much needed positivity this summer.  Andrew, Jack, Alice and Clara all swam and had a blast.  Alice wound up being given the award for Hunting Hill's top 6-and-under female swimmer.  Andrew got the award for the top point earner in the men's 24-39 year old division.  At age 39 and 3/4 I might add.  Jack got the award for most determined swimmer.  He received a beautiful trophy and the coach spoke at the banquet about how Jack had decided this year that he no longer wanted to be an average swimmer.  So he practiced twice a day and really started to distinguish himself as one of Hunting Hill's top swimmers in his age division.  And Clara, my sweet bundle of charisma, received the Hounddog Award.  Her coach, Jourdan, gave a beautiful, tearful speech about how Clara spreads happiness effortlessly.  The Sherman Family was tenth in top scoring Hunting Hills families.  And again, HHCC won the RVAA championships.  (This is a happy paragraph, so I won't dwell on the fact that I was not present at the banquet.  That I was at the hospital, feeling about as low as I'd ever felt, knowing what I was missing.)


So, it's been a summer of highs and lows.  Overall, I feel anxiety, sadness, pride, fatigue.  I really, really am happy that I have 3 1/2 weeks of Topsail time coming up.  I need it bad.

100 Things That Make Me Happy

A friend of mine recently shared her list with me.  I found myself reading and smiling and simultaneously thinking, "There's no way I could come up with one hundred different things that make me happy."

But you know, it has got to be fun to try.  And since I've been working and studying so hard, I'm going to allow myself the pleasure of coming up with a list of my own.  I am happy simply contemplating an hour of thinking about and constructing this list.

 1.  Alice's curls
 2.  watching the surf at sunset
 3.  eating yellowtail and salmon sashimi
 4.  cruising
 5.  planning Disney World trips
 6.  coffee in the morning
 7.  thinking about the evenings my children were born
 8.  the feeling after two glasses of wine
 9.  pranking with my sisters
10.  handmade cards
11.  Christmas mornings
12.  the way Andrew curls into me asleep at night
13.  watching Clara dance
14.  baking
15.  watching something I planted grow
16.  my herb pots
17.  being in my new house
18.  the last 45 minutes of the drive to Topsail
19.  writing
20.  being able to read for a long stretch
21.  movie nights in bed
22.  texting like a teenager
23.  watching the cousins all play together
24.  pictures of Rosie as a puppy
25.  the big chair under the big windows in my room
26.  being with our extended family (parents, siblings, cousins, grandparents)
27.  haunted houses
28.  a slice of a hot loaf of bread
29.  hearing my children laugh
30.  the smell of our house at Christmas time
31.  a steam shower with Andrew
32.  the feel of sliding in between cool sheets
33.  walking the streets of Pompeii under the shadow of Vesuvius
34.  driving along the Amalfi Coast
35.  tater tots
36.  going over and under waves, depending on their size and strength
37.  showering outside
38.  picking crabs
39.  cheering for the Steelers with my Pittsburgh family
40.  my iPhone
41.  going to see a musical theater production
42.  looking in on my sleeping children
43.  sleeping under a down comforter in the winter
44.  decorating the Christmas tree
45.  the feeling of getting it taken down and the house clean after Christmas
46.  watching snow fall from inside a warm house
47.  the vibe all five of us in a hotel room together
48.  Las Ramblas in Barcelona
49.  the fact that my sisters and mother and I end all of our conversations with "I love you."
50.  swimming with dolphins at Topsail
51.  the excitement before a vacation
52.  childhood memories
53.  laughing until my abs ache
54.  knowing I found my soul mate
55.  the smell of cool autumn days
56.  exercising with Andrew
57.  driving my station wagon
58.  talking with lights out in bed before we go to sleep
59.  waking up leisurely without an alarm
60.  an ASA 1 patient
61.  walking through a museum
62.  snuggling
63.  riding Splash Mountain
64.  reading to my girls in bed
65.  Clara's eyes
66.  dinner at home with friends
67.  making old family recipes
68.  my children's names
69.  the fact my extended family no longer exchanges gifts, but travels instead
70.  blogging
71.  photo editing
72.  really spicy foods
73.  Friday nights
74.  airplane meals
75.  my mother's cooking
76.  my son's love of reading
77.  the smell of eucalyptus
78.  classic martinis
79.  my pillows
80.  freshly bathed children in pajamas
81.  my four nieces
82.  the fact that Allison and I both have twin girls
83.  movie nights with all five of us
84.  Thanksgiving dinner blessings
85.  the confidence and satisfaction I have in my late 30s
86.  trips to The Homestead
87.  pedicures
88.  being kissed while Andrew holds my head
89.  purring, kneading cats in bed with me
90.  the way Goose groans when he thinks I'm disturbing him
91.  being on my back deck in the evening
92.  Augusts at the beach
93.  tubing with Allison and Matt
94.  the smell of the Polynesian resort at WDW
95.  eating at Artist Point
96.  watching The Lion King at the Animal Kindgom
97.  the satisfaction I get out of being in my profession
98.  Japanese office supplies, particularly the Uniball Signo pen with lavender-black ink
99.  AOLs Adult Alternative station
100.  the fact that this is, by far, a very incomplete list

That was a really, really nice way to spend an hour.