I *HEART* Mirena

The thing about the uterus is that it's a very demanding organ.  When’s the last time you thought about your jejunum? That damned thing is eight feet long, but most people have never even heard of it. Or how about your parathyroid glands? You’d be so up a brown creek if something happened to those, you know.  But, the uterus... it craves acknowledgement and respect.  It needs to have you thinking about it all the time.  From age 12 until finally, mercifully, it rests in dormancy.  A mere 40 years later.

Now, it was a lot easier before babies.  We all just went on the pill for, like, decades.  Had short, light "regular Tampax" periods.  Went off, had a baby, then went back on the pill.  Repeated the process until our families were complete.  Then we sent our husbands to the urologist for a little snip, snip and we thought our troubles are over.  But they certainly were not.

Because then the uterus' monthly tantrums start.  Worse than they ever were before.  The curse of women who have had babies and are now in their late 30s and 40s.  The heavy, gastly things that ruin clothes and bedsheets and make you think of nothing but having a hysterectomy for 5 straight days every month.  A "Super Plus" Tampax plus a maxi-pad, extra long, with wings might allow you to get through the night.  As long as you stayed in one position and then rushed to the bathroom the next morning while somehow keeping your thighs clamped together.

After so many years of suffering under her rule, and taking all she had to offer (thanks for the three kidlets!), I started to daydream about sinister ways to shut the bitch up. 

Simply, there are four choices.  And they follow, with my thoughts on each:

1.  Hormonal birth control:  Pills, shots, implantables, patches, vaginal rings.  Been there, done that.  I'm getting too old and I need to worry about estrogen and strokes and heart attacks.

2.  Hysterectomy:  Big deal of an operation.  Could lead to chronic pain states.  Plus, insurance won't pay and I don't have time for it.

3.  Uterine ablation:  Good option.  My only hesitation is the potential inability to detect uterine cancer due to uterine scar "trapping" the tell-tale bleeding.

4.  Mirena IUD:  What I chose.  (official website)


And I LOVE it!  I mean, I am singing from the hilltops.  Best thing since being pregnant!

You have it inserted in the office, which is really not a big deal.  Then it begins emitting a tiny bit of progesterone (no estrogen!) into the uterus.  None gets into your blood stream so you have absolutely no systemic effects from the hormone.  You still ovulate, your endogenous hormones still cycle normally and monthly.  But because the progesterone causes your uterine lining to thin, you barely bleed.  And after 3-6 months, most women stop completely. 

Yes, it's a miracle. And it lasts for five years.  (Then you can have another one placed.) 

It is fairly expensive up front, and, unfortunately, rarely covered by insurance.  (Unless you're on the dole.  Then it's free.)  But I can guarantee that I will pay for mine in a year with savings gained from skipping the "Feminine Hygeine" aisle.