A Quick Sign-In from Paradise

Greetings from Topsail Island, NC.

I told Andrew before we left for this week-long break five days ago, that I can't ever remember needing a vacation more than I needed this one.  Dealing with the stresses involving the mortality of a parent have taxed me mentally more than any life stress that I have ever encountered.  Med school, boards, a twin pregnancy while working 80-plus hours....  I never remember feeling so much internal tension.

On the drive down, I wondered how I would ever start to relax.  I wondered if I would be able to allow myself to think about nice things.  My children, my husband, the tides, the feel of the salty breeze.  Or if I would continue to obsess about things that I cannot change, bad things that are hurting some of the people I love the most in such cruel ways.

Now, five days into it, I am so happy to be able to say that I am relaxed and at peace.  The stressors are still there but I have started to look at them in a different way.  My perspective on all of this mess shifted a couple of evenings ago when I was sitting on the beach looking out over the horizon.  My world began to feel small and I was reminded that I am powerless.  Not in a bad or helpless way.  But just that the forces of nature are so much bigger, and that perhaps I need to stop trying to influence and control things that I ultimately cannot.

So there I sat, with my new perspective, and I decided to start to have fun.  I started to smile at my children without trying.  The air began smelling more alive and the colors around me suddenly seemed more brilliant.

And the rest is history. 

I'll describe the details of my week thus far in numbers:

0 meals prepared by me (we decided to eat out for all of our dinners...no mess, no cooking)
1 nap taken
1 550 piece puzzle completed
1 long kayak trip
1 battleship visited (Battleship North Carolina in Wilmington)
1 book read, The Year of Wonders, about the Plague in 17th century England
2 bottles of a buttery chardonnay consumed
2 ice creams eaten while walking on the Jolly Roger Pier
3 several mile walks on the beach
4 movies in bed (Julie and Julia, Adventureland, School Ties,  Better Off Dead)
5 outside showers taken
5 nights of at least 8 hours of sleep each night
5 nights of at least 10 hours spent in bed (oh, the joys of children who can amuse themselves in the a.m.)
5 nights of reading to my girls in bed
6 ...ahem...adult adventures

And two more days to go.  I am so thankful for this place.


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