Well, it is 2AM and here I sit, feeling a bit of deja-vu. I have just put to sleep a man that was assaulted by Roanoke's most infamous churl: Some Dude. I have just gotten the victim to sleep and all tucked in and my nurse anesthetist is taking most excellent care of Mr. S while I reflect for a minute.
I met Mr. S in the ER about a half an hour ago, after he was brought in by a paramedic unit. His neck has a deep, near circumferential gash with clear arterial bleeding emanating from it's center. There are also deep, jagged gashes in both of his arms, with yellow, globular fat and strandy muscles poking out of them. Amazingly, he arrived coherent and absolutely intent on telling us his story.
He was..ahem...walking home from bible study about 45 minutes ago, at 1AM, minding his own business, when Some Dude jumped out from behind a dumpster on Williamson Road and visciously slashed his neck and stabbed his arms. With a broken beer bottle. Oooooo-kay. Some Dude is just rude. I mean, to assault a God-fearing man, on his way home from bible study?!!? What, on God's green earth, is up with that?
The crazy thing is....Some Dude does shit like this ALL of the time. Just last week, another guy was brought in from the local flea bag motel. He was apparently "gettin' wit his girl" when Some Dude broke into the hotel room and shot the guy in the ass! Really! And for no reason at all, according to the guy. Now the girl also happened to be the girl of another guy, too. Was the other guy Some Dude? That was a matter of much debate in the OR that night.
And then not long ago, a local and quite notorious mid-level drug dealer limped into the ER with a gun shot wound in his right foot. Coincidentally, the local drug culture dictates a shot to the right foot for the first offense of unpaid drug debt. The police came to question him and what do you know? The gimp absolutely refused to identify his assailant. All he would say was that it was...you guessed it. Some Dude.
Amazingly, none of Some Dude's victims ever get a really good look at him. And Some Dude must have shape-shifting skillz, too. Sometimes he's tall and skinny, other times he's average and muscular. There are usually some vaguely remembered details, but nothing really detailed or specific that can help out the City Police.
Some Dude really gets around. He manages to be involved in the majority of the subversive, after-hour happenings around town.
I don't know much about thug culture, drug dealing or bible studies. But I do know this. I hope and pray I never run across Some Dude. But I know that if I ever do, I will run for my freaking life.
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