The Out-of-OR Bitch

OK.  So I'm not too picky about what I do at work every day.  One of my partners does the case-assigning the day before and then posts the assignments on our website.  I check the website each night so I know what time to be at the hospital the next day and to get a general feeling as to what my day's going to be like.  And I pretty much am happy to do anything.  A  generalist, if you will.  No particularly strong opinions about what I do.  Well, I guess I do have one or two.  But the sentiments that I have for a couple of outlandish surgeons are shared by everyone in my group, so we divvy these assignment equally.  Thereby spreading the misery. 

Now, many of my partners pay quite a bit more attention to their daily assignment and, I swear, some of them have the assigning doc on speed dial.  They have particular surgeons that they do and don't like to work with and particular case types that they do and do not like to anesthetize.  They completely micro-manage the scheduling doc's job.  And while that may be bothersome to that doc, again, it doesn't bother me because I can pretty much do anything and have a fun day. 

So when the scheduling doc paged me two days ago to inform me of my assignment for yesterday, I was a bit anxious.  Why not just put it on the website?

The conversation:

John:  Hey.  Wanna know what you're doing tomorrow?

Me:  Dammit.  What is it?  Because if you're having to call me about it, it can't be good.

John:  Ummm.  That's perceptive...and correct.

Me:  Give it to me.

John:  You're the Out-of-OR Bitch.

silence

Me:  What?

John:  Yeah.

Me:  What, in God's name, is that?

John:  Well, the hospital administration is getting frustrated that out-of OR cases aren't getting done in a timely fashion. [my insert: Out-of-OR cases are cases such an TEEs, cardioversions and vertebroplasties that aren't done in the actual OR suite, but are performed in a wide variety of locations throughout the hospital.  We anesthesiologists DESPISE these cases, for a variety of reasons.  But mainly because we are asked to anesthetize in locations that are unfamiliar to us and provide us less than optimal technical support and assistance.  They are normally assigned piecemeal to docs who finish their regular days early.  This is why you often see anesthesiologists slinking out of hospitals in the early afternoons.  We want no one to know when we leave so that we can make a clean break without having to do an Out-of-OR case.]  So we are going to assign one anesthesiologist each day to do all of those cases.  So they'll get done.  And tomorrow we start.  With you.  So you are the Out-of-OR Bitch guinea pig.

So that was my assignment yesterday.  And my day was absolutely straight out of Dante's ninth level of hell.  I had to drag my anesthesia cart all over the damned hospital.  I had to deal with nurses and techs who have no idea how to help me.  I was treated more like a technician than a physician.  I was called "anesthesia" more than Dr. Sherman.  And so much time was wasted I was ready to shoot myself. 

This is what I accomplished:  1 dental procedure on a completely out-of-control autistic adult (requiring my favorite [NOT !!] induction technique:  the ketamine dart), 1 vertebroplasty, 1 liver biopsy, 3 TEEs, and 1 cardioversion.  And it took me 10 hours to do it all. And it could have, and should

have, been done in 7 hours.  Max.

I had to deal with a radiologist who decided to eat his lunch after the patient was asleep.  I had to contend with an hour turnover between 2 TEEs because the cardiac cath nurse was "charting."  I was asked to do a TEE in a patient's room on the floor because he was too sick to leave his room.  The process of getting suction, a monitor and oxygen set up took nearly and hour and involved multiple eye rolls from the patient's nurse.  Directed at ME!  For wanting her to round up safety equipment for HER patient!

At one point I did have to laugh though.  I arrived in the Interventional Radiology suite to anesthetize a liver biopsy.  The radiology tech looked at me proudly when I entered the room and said, "I put all of her monitors on for you, Dr. Sherman."  My day suddenly got brighter.  She did me a favor AND called me Dr. Sherman!  Then I looked down and this is what I saw:

Needless to say, I had to remove the white lead from the surgical dressing and place it on her shoulder.  But, hey, I did appreciate the effort.

So, that was my day yesterday.  I almost had to violate my "no drinking during the week" rule. ( Makes me too sleepy at night to figure out Jack's homework.  Fourth grade is really tough.)  But I didn't.  Mark gave me a ride home and amused me with tales of his recent match.com date so that substituted for the fifth that I really wanted.

And I now have to say, regarding my work assignments, I have no particularly strong opinions about what I do.  Except I REALLY don't like being the Out-of-OR Bitch.